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Mei Gray [userpic]

it can't be true.

October 10th, 2007 (01:21 pm)

current mood: crushed
current song: "Rehab" - Amy Winehouse

I tried to call my mother, but the answering machine picked up.

It was her voice. I know it was. I'd know her voice anywhere.

She said ... that I'd taken everything from her. That the killing spree I went on with Sylar that wiped out my former clan pushed her over the edge.

She called me a monster.

She said that by the time I got the message she'd be dead. That she was killing herself.

Sylar thinks it's just a trick by Petrelli's people. I don't know what to think. I want so bad to run right off to China and check on her, but he said that'd be what they were expecting.

Maybe he's right. I don't know. If I choose to believe she is dead on my account, I don't think I could bare it. I know that in a lot of ways, I'm an uncaring bitch, but I love my mommy.


Oh, and by the way, my powers are gone.

Fucking hell.

Mei Gray [userpic]

new photos.

October 4th, 2007 (01:40 pm)

current mood: happy
current song: "Cherry" - Amy Winehouse

Seeing as how we're wanted, I've been wearing a wig a lot of the time we're in public. I simply cannot let interference -- whether it be from the police or Bennet's lackeys -- come between Sylar and I's goals.

Thus, I'm a blonde fifty percent of the time.

I'm hot, right? I don't know about the whole blondes having more fun thing, but I'm amused by it. I look good no matter what my hair color is.

Here I am without my wig.

And, finally, I managed to get a picture of Sylar SMILING. Yes, smiling.

I'm going to treasure it forever and ever and ever and ever!

He's so handsome. I'm a lucky girl.

Mei Gray [userpic]

six months gone.

October 3rd, 2007 (11:23 am)

Has it really been six months since I last wrote?

Time flies when you've been having fun.

And, believe me, we've been having fun.

Mei Gray [userpic]


October 1st, 2007 (05:16 am)

current mood: distressed
current song: "Home" - Michael Buble

I miss my mother. I saw her not too long ago when Sylar and I were in China, but that was only for a few moments. I feel a bit guilty about the way I stole the list from her. I'm sure it hurt her. But, I wouldn't change what I did even if I could. Those women need to pay for what they did to me. Stealing that list was the only way for me to find them.

The situation sucks because I don't think she'd want to see me anymore because of the theft.

I woke up in the middle of the night and cried into my pillow because I missed her so much. I'm not one who cries often.

I just have to stay strong, if not for myself then for Sylar. Once we become rulers of the world, I'll give my mother everything her heart desires and then she'll surely forgive me.

Mei Gray [userpic]

dain bramage.

September 30th, 2007 (10:21 pm)

current mood: hurting
current song: Nothing. My head hurts too much for music.

Head injuries aren't as thrilling when you're on the receiving end of them.

. . .

Sylar and I were in the throes of passion. I had just reached my climax ( as I always do when with him, heehee ) when I tossed my head forward in a fit of ecstasy and clocked myself on the forehead. I think I lost consciousness for a few minutes because when I woke up, he was taking me from behind.

. . .

Yeah. It took him a half hour to realize I was hurt. But, to his credit, when he did he was really concerned! He even stitched the wound and helped me to bed. I think I have a concussion, but I'm not too concerned about it. I've had them before and at least this time I have my precious husband to watch over me.

He's so wonderful.

Mei Gray [userpic]

the best day of my life.

September 29th, 2007 (01:45 pm)

current mood: hyper
current song: "You Sent Me Flying" - Amy Winehouse

Since I'm putting down my memories, I simply can't forget the best of them all -- the day I met Sylar.

Now, I know our wonderful relationship may imply that we were in love from the moment we met, but that was far from the truth!

I was in living in Philadelphia. I had just received a message from Bernie asking me to go out and take care of someone. I decided to take the subway on that day and it was the best decision I ever made. I knew he was special the moment I was near him. I could feel his power. It was intoxicating.

At the time, my feelings towards other evolved persons wasn't exactly positive. I had ran into two since leaving China and I had hacked both of them to pieces. I planned to do the same to him. I turned on the charm and tried to entice him back to my place, but he was too smart to fall for that. I tried to attack him, but he bested me. Then, he dangled my head in front of an oncoming subway car. He could have killed me right then, but he didn't. He let me go. I'll never know why for certain, but I believe it's because he realized he loved me. I mean, how could anyone not fall in love with me? I'm charming and beautiful and intelligent and powerful. I'm the complete package!

He left me where I was, but I followed him. I kept following him until he had no choice but to acknowledge me. I told him about what my clan had done to me and how I longed for revenge. He was more than happy to oblige since he's quite wonderful like that.

Then, we went back to my place and made love.

I won't lie. It wasn't that good the first time.

He got better, though.

A lot better.

He's the best now.

Mei Gray [userpic]

. . .

September 28th, 2007 (05:14 pm)

current mood: sore
current song: None.

My head hurts.


I need to lay down.

Mei Gray [userpic]

first time on the other side.

September 28th, 2007 (01:17 pm)

current mood: bored
current song: "Save Me" - Queen

I'm continuing to relive my past on the pages of this diary. I feel a sense of urgency to get these words down, though I'm not sure why. I have no doubt that Sylar and I will succeed in our quest for world domination, but at the same time I fear that my true story will never be told, leaving my past open to speculation by parties who never knew me. I suppose I'm writing these things down so that one day when I'm long dead, people will know the truth about me.

Today I'm going to write about my first time with another woman.

Yes, I'm bisexual. Well, at least I was. Now I'm only Sylarsexual, I suppose. No other person -- male or female -- has appealed to me since I've been with him.

It was about six months after I murdered the man I had an affair with and his wife. By that time I had already established myself as a hitwoman. Life was good. I was secure and certainly not a woman to be trifled with. The way people feared me was intoxicating. I think it was the look of fear in the girl's eyes that really drew me in.

She was a waitress at one of the clubs Bernie, my sometimes-employer, ran. A little Spanish seniorita with an ass to die for. She couldn't have been older than eighteen. Esperanza was her name ... Or was it Esmerelda? I'm not certain, but what I do know was that she was hot. Not as hot as me, of course, but pretty. She had skin the color of chocolate and lush lips --- and her eyes. My god, those eyes. Big and green. They were beautiful, especially when they widened at the sight of me.

I had to have her. Prior to her, I had never had much of an attraction towards my own sex, but I could make an exception. She was stunned when I made my move. I did it so firmly, too. I walked right up to her and plainly told her she was coming back to my place. She couldn't even argue. She just nodded, though she looked scared to death.

I dragged her back to my place and made her do anything I wanted. I think it was the control I had over the situation that really got me off. When it was all said and done, she tried to crawl into the bed and snuggle with me. It was sweet ... but I didn't want her for a lover. She was a fuck toy and after I had her, she held little interest.

So, I grabbed her by her hair and threw her out. According to Bernie, she quit the day after.

Some may say I should feel guilty for treating the girl in such a way, but I don't.

There are two types of people in the world -- the strong and the weak. I'm among the strong, as is Sylar. That's why we get along so well. I could never be with a weak person.

Mei Gray [userpic]

objects in the rear view mirror ...

September 26th, 2007 (08:54 pm)

current mood: indescribable
current song: "Tears Dry on Their Own" - Amy Winehouse

As much as I love Sylar, there are simply some things I can't bring myself to share with him. Part of me feels guilty about this, but then again ... when I look at him, I know there's so much about his past that I don't know. In my eyes, it's our future together that matters. Still, I find myself wanting to reflect on who I am and where I came from. Thus, I will spill out onto these pages the events leading up to the second murder I ever committed and a chapter of my life I've kept hidden.

My flight from China was sudden. Back then, I never expected my clan to turn on me, nor did I ever think I'd work up the guts to slaughter my father. I don't regret what I did, but I do wish I would have been more prepared for when I arrived in America.

My first two days in New York City were spent in a homeless shelter. I had only twenty bucks in my wallet and a backpack containing some clothes. Luckily, I was able to speak English, but my inability to read it made things scary and difficult.

On my third night in the city, I was walking back to the shelter when I was mugged. I wasn't harmed too badly, though I did get a black eye, a busted lip, and my money stolen. I sat there hopeless on the sidewalk when he found me. He was so different from the men I had met previously. He was tall and handsome. His blonde hair was slicked back and I still remember the glint in his blue eyes. I didn't love him ... but I definitely felt lust.

He took me back to a hotel. He bathed me and dressed my wounds. I saw the wedding ring on his finger, but I didn't care. If the silly bitch couldn't keep her man in check, that was her fault.

Then, that night, he took me. It was the first time I had ever had sex and all I remember was the pain and discomfort. He didn't make things easy on me, either. I knew I was nothing more than a toy to him. An object. Still, he had shown me the only kindness I had received in this new land, and even if it was given for selfish reasons, I wasn't about to reject it.

For the next three months, I was a pet. There's not other way to describe it. He kept me in a nice hotel. He brought me little gifts. He made sure I had the finest clothes, nice jewelry, and ate in the best restaurants the city had to offer. All I had to do in exchange was give my body up to him time and time again, and I did so. Perhaps it was prostitution, but what other choice did I have?

Then his wife found me.

Needless to say, she wasn't happy to learn her husband had a mistress. The little bitch had the audacity to slap me. ME. I wasn't about to take that. I dragged her into the room and used a sheet to gag her. Something in me had snapped. I had already killed my father -- I had already committed murder. What was stopping me from doing it again? It was then that I realized that I not only had the ability to kill, but I liked doing it.

I mutilated her. Sliced her to pieces. From what I heard, the mortician had a hell of a time putting her back together and they ended up going with a closed-casket funeral.

Almost as soon as I had finished killing her, my lover walked in. I honestly expected him to be thrilled. His ball and chain was out of the way and he could now have me whenever he wanted, but hew as distraught. He grabbed me by my neck and tried to choke me. I bludgeoned him with the room's telephone. I beat his face in until all the handsomeness was gone and there was just a bloody crater.

After that, I retreated into New York's seedy underground. My newfound love of killing was a precious commodity to mob bosses and other criminal kingpins. They gainfully employed me and I lived in a whirlwind of death, money, and one night stands until I met Sylar.

I'm completely devoted to him. There's no one else in the world whom I'd rather be with.

But, still ... How could I ever tell him of what I did when I first came to this country?

He'd be ashamed of me.

He might not love me anymore.

I'd rather die than lose his love.

Mei Gray [userpic]

i'm so pretty.

September 24th, 2007 (01:07 am)

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