first time on the other side.
current mood: bored
current song: "Save Me" - Queen
I'm continuing to relive my past on the pages of this diary. I feel a sense of urgency to get these words down, though I'm not sure why. I have no doubt that Sylar and I will succeed in our quest for world domination, but at the same time I fear that my true story will never be told, leaving my past open to speculation by parties who never knew me. I suppose I'm writing these things down so that one day when I'm long dead, people will know the truth about me.
Today I'm going to write about my first time with another woman.
Yes, I'm bisexual. Well, at least I was. Now I'm only Sylarsexual, I suppose. No other person -- male or female -- has appealed to me since I've been with him.
It was about six months after I murdered the man I had an affair with and his wife. By that time I had already established myself as a hitwoman. Life was good. I was secure and certainly not a woman to be trifled with. The way people feared me was intoxicating. I think it was the look of fear in the girl's eyes that really drew me in.
She was a waitress at one of the clubs Bernie, my sometimes-employer, ran. A little Spanish seniorita with an ass to die for. She couldn't have been older than eighteen. Esperanza was her name ... Or was it Esmerelda? I'm not certain, but what I do know was that she was hot. Not as hot as me, of course, but pretty. She had skin the color of chocolate and lush lips --- and her eyes. My god, those eyes. Big and green. They were beautiful, especially when they widened at the sight of me.
I had to have her. Prior to her, I had never had much of an attraction towards my own sex, but I could make an exception. She was stunned when I made my move. I did it so firmly, too. I walked right up to her and plainly told her she was coming back to my place. She couldn't even argue. She just nodded, though she looked scared to death.
I dragged her back to my place and made her do anything I wanted. I think it was the control I had over the situation that really got me off. When it was all said and done, she tried to crawl into the bed and snuggle with me. It was sweet ... but I didn't want her for a lover. She was a fuck toy and after I had her, she held little interest.
So, I grabbed her by her hair and threw her out. According to Bernie, she quit the day after.
Some may say I should feel guilty for treating the girl in such a way, but I don't.
There are two types of people in the world -- the strong and the weak. I'm among the strong, as is Sylar. That's why we get along so well. I could never be with a weak person.